If this sounds like you

• You go through the motions, and your body feels far away. Numb, or just "meh."
• Orgasm with a partner is rare, slow to come, or something you fake to end it. (Nearly half of women say they've faked it.)
• You finish too fast, lose your erection, or spend sex worrying about how you're doing.
• Your relationship is fine, except you feel like roommates. Nobody touches anybody anymore.
• After kids, or somewhere in your forties, desire went missing, and some days you don't want to be touched at all.
• You were taught sex was dirty. You don't believe that anymore, but your body still does.

None of this means you're broken. It means nobody ever showed you how pleasure actually works. Most of us learned sex from rumor, porn, and shame, and we've been rushing ever since.

What it's like on the other side

• You feel your whole body during sex, not just a few square inches.
• Orgasms come easier, last longer, and go deeper, alone or with a partner.
• Men: you choose when you finish, and you stop dreading the clock.
• You know what you like, and you can say it out loud without dying of embarrassment.
• Touch feels like an invitation again, not a demand.
• Pleasure stops being a performance and becomes yours.

Why listen to me

I'm Lawrence Lanoff. A Taoist teacher started me on orgasm control when I was eleven, before I even knew what an orgasm was. I've spent more than fifty years since then working with bodies, pleasure and the mind. One of my mentors was Betty Dodson, the woman who taught a generation of women to have orgasms. I regularly wrote a column for Betty and Carlin on the many facets of human sexuality, and co-wrote material on men's sexuality with Carlin Ross. I've written over 15 books, including the bestseller A Course in Freedom and The Open Relationship Blueprint.

I have no robes, no guru title and no Sanskrit to hide behind. This book is everything I know that actually works, written plainly.

What you'll be able to do

• Wake your body up. Simple daily practices to feel more, starting tonight, alone.
• Have better orgasms. The clitoris, fully explained (most of it is inside), and why rushing kills pleasure.
• Last as long as you want. Natural control for men: how arousal really builds, and how to ride it instead of racing it.
• Bring desire back. How to go from roommates to lovers, through touch with no pressure and no goal.
• Let go of the shame. Body-first ways to unlearn what you were taught, because thinking alone doesn't do it.
• Skip the nonsense. What tantra really is, what's hype, and how to spot a cult before it costs you.

The Definitive Guide to Modern Tantra: Beyond the Myth · 624 pages · ISBN 979-8-951241-05-4 · The Naked Press · For adult readers.